Spiritual Business

The Black Hat

I continue with the Twelve Principles of the Golden Dawn.

This weeks advice is to channel creative energy through some form of artistic expression.

I was going to write about how creativity is important and spirit flows through us and blah, blah, blah but instead of lecturing and haranguing, I thought the best way to break this point down is to plough the field of my own life to show how vitally important it is to find your expression.

I am ambitious, I am goal driven. It is Saturn sitting on my Sun in the 10th House. Always desire but filled with lessons. I can teach myself anything and in return the world has taught me much. I hope this does not come across as an arrogance, please stick with me, I am about to be honest and it's scary as hell.

I came from one competion driven career into another competitive business, where winning is everything, the client, the job, the account and creativity was our currency.

When I started the Spiritual Business blog, I found an outlet for my creative and I was at peace. Then I wrote the book and launched the site and suddenly there was my Saturn sitting on my Sun again, asking me to do better and be better.

After a long sustained period of stress and drama, the details of which are not important, I fell over and I found I could not get up again. I tried and tried but I couldn't find my feet and slowly then I went down the into the tar of depression.

It came back to bite me on my Sun, Saturn and Uranus and there was nothing to do but tell Gandalf to watch over me carefully and pack me off to my Dear Shrink. Thankfully, she has seen my monster show its face before and she walked into the dark woods, took my hand and slowly bought me back to a place where I could be safe, from my monsters and myself.

Stick with me here, people, I hope I am not sounding indulgent but it does get to the point eventually, I hope.

During my ongoing therapy, my Dear Shrink, asked me to indulge in some form of creative expression for no other reason than to find a different way of feeling. Cynically, I told her I was no artist, I refused to do adult ballet classes and ceramic painting was not my cup of tea, so to speak.

She told me she was being 'deliberately vague' and that I would find what I wanted to do, just to be open.

And then two weeks later, a story came to me and I wrote. I sat in my front room and I started with a sentence and then off I went.  I wrote and wrote for six weeks and then my story was finished I found was on the road to getting better again. I had found my creative expression again and it was healing and inspiring. I was in spirit. My story was all I thought about, day and night and slowly my brain reprogrammed itself and the monster crept away. This is the power of creativity.

I am proof to the idea that it is important it is to find your creativity, your expression, your imagination and your castle in the sky. Mine was lifesaving.

Now I am going to be indulgent, because it's my blog and I bloody well can be, if I want.

Thank you to Emma, Fiona - Best friends and members of a most priviledged Book Club.

To Lou, Jacquie, Dora, Sarah and Bec. You are all wonderful women and I am blessed to have you on the end of the line at anytime.

Thank you to Nicole for dragging my sorry arse out of the woods and slaying my monster, again. I think it's gone for good this time.

To my lovely parents who came and held the fort while I went to have my monster expunged.

To the gorgeous people I work with, Sam, Amy, George and Chris and Jane. Thankyou for trusting us and keeping it real always and being the ones we went into battle with. And thanks for looking after Gandalf. I truly love you all.

And finally to Gandalf and the changelings  - who entertained me, held me and just sat with me making Facebook quizzes. It was nice to have you by my side, I am a lucky, lucky Dreamweaver.

2 Responses to ‘The Black Hat’

1. fishgirl says:

January 24, 2010 at 10:18pm

We're the lucky ones Kate:-)

2. Joyous Squaw says:

January 25, 2010 at 8:51am

I second that Fishgirl !!!..... Kate, your honesty amazes me still. You give us all the courage to slay our dragons. Luv and light to you, my dear friend. Let us ALL remember we are not going into battle alone.xxoo

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